Your Fears are not Facts
YOUR FEARS ARE NOT FACTS.
I’ve been so inspired by @_lindsaytompkins that I’ve signed up for basically everything she is offering!
Last week I attended her 2021 goal planning webinar and fell off my chair when she put up those words
how much have I been allowing fear to stop me from doing?
Fear of judgement
Fear of vulnerability
Fear of getting it wrong
Fear of failure
I wanted to sign up for Lindsey’s Confidence Club, which is a DANCE CLASS, I immediately felt the fear rise to the surface. Negative voices filled my head.
I’ve never danced before - will everyone think I suck? Will they all wonder why I am here?
When I fact check my fears, I can identify that they are in fact riddled with assumptions, interpretations and my own judgements about myself and my abilities.
Facts: a lot of women who have never danced before signed up, there is no prerequisite to the class, being a dancer is not a requirement, and it’s virtual, so I can turn off my camera and do this for me - no one NEEDS to see me. I don’t need to do this for anyone but me.
When fact checking you emotions, start small so you can practice and develop your lie detector skills!
Here is a great tool fit Checking the Facts from the DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, second edition, by Marsha M Linehan
*please note I did attend a 5month therapy program learning these skills*
Questions for Checking the Facts:
ASK: what is the emotion I want to change
- example: fear
ASK: what is the event promoting my emotions?
- describe the facts that you observed
- Challenge judgements, absolutes, and black and white descriptions
ASK: what are my interpretations, thoughts and assumptions about the event?
- think of other possible interpretations
- Practice looking at all sides of the situation, and all points of view
- Test your interpretations and assumptions and see if they fit the facts
ASK: am I assuming a treat?
- label the treat (ex: embarrassment)
- Assess the probability that the threat will actually occur
- Think of as many possible outcomes as you can
ASK: what’s the catastrophe?
- imagine it really occurring
- Imagine coping with the catastrophe (problem solving, coping ahead, or radical acceptance)
ASK: does my emotion and it’s intensity, fit the actual facts?
- check in with wise mind (see previous work on mindfulness!)
Ask Yourself - what is your fear lying to you about!?